My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
