Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
