I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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