Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
