Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
