she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
