I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize