I cockslap morals
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
