Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
