You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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