i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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