come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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