Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
