she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
