SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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