u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
