anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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