Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
