I cut my penus on the lid.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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