Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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