i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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