i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
