perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
