question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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