okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
