I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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