I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
