bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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