When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
