please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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