I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
