Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
