onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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