I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
