we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
