Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
