Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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