Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
