Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
