Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
