a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
