You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
