I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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