alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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