where am i from again
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
