Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
