Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
