My hand turned me down
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
