Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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