me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
